Pure ⁄ Chocolate bar ⁄ Completely alive
Half bar. Half chocolate bar.
Completely alive.
There is no caramel, nougat, or constitution. The wrapper has no morals, no soul, and is part of the same animal.
ANATOMY OF THE BAR-CAT
There is no caramel, nougat, or constitution. The wrapper has no morals, no soul, and is part of the same animal.
Model No. MC-001
FOUND IN AISLE SEVEN
Nobody's Body found it. Species in aisle seven. Both competitive and timid. It sits between the Snickers and is part of the same animal.
WRAPPER INSPECTION TABLE
The wrapper tolerates this gag. The filling distrusts water. The whole thing is tolerant, packaging-bound, and condensed with dignity.
| Property | Value | Status |
|---|---|---|
| Wrapper Integrity | 94% | NOMINAL |
| Caramel Viscosity | 12.4 cP | ELEVATED |
| Cat Cohesion | Moderate | NOMINAL |
| Nougat Mass | 38g | NOMINAL |
| Fur Conductivity | 0.003 S/m | UNKNOWN |
| Whisker Alignment | ±2° | NOMINAL |
| Soul Retention | N/A | MISSING |
OBSERVED HABITS
Field documentation ⁄ Non-consenting subjects ⁄ Unsupervised
A solitary bar-cat in habitat
Found lurking with other bars. Notably hostile.
INGREDIENTS
NOBODY APPROVED
- —Milk chocolate (sugar, cocoa butter, skim milk, chocolate, lactose)
- —Caramel (sugar, corn syrup, skim milk, palm oil, salt)
- —Nougat (sugar, corn syrup, hydrogenated palm kernel oil)
- —Tabby cat (Felis catus, domestic shorthair)
- —Caramel residue (see above, see also: fur)
- —Anxiety
- —An unresolved sense of being watched
The above list is non-exhaustive. Prolonged consumption of this product may result in additional cat and an understanding of the machine.
COMPOSITION PANEL
| Component | Per 100g | %DV |
|---|---|---|
| Chocolate | 41g | — |
| Nougat | 28g | — |
| Caramel | 19g | — |
| Cat | 12g | N/A |
| Wrapper residue | 0.2g | N/A |
| Unidentified | trace | N/A |
* The cat contributes negligible caloric value but significant structural mass.
Limited availability
It was left unattended for four minutes.
Found unattended between the Snickers and is responsible for the same animal. This unit is unreachable by conventional packaging.